Asuma's LifeDISCONTINUED
by A Pessimistic Optimist
Summary: A look of Asuma's life as his 29th birthday unfolds! Issues with an old friend that tried to kill him, feelings more than a father towards Shikamaru, slightly suicidal Kakashi and many other things to come. It'll end up as AsuShika, KakaIru, & GaiKurenai


_October. 18th [6:34am] - My Birthday_

_"I seriously can't help but stare at him, so carefree and yet hardworking. Training everyday for a future that is so uncertain, although I hope his and mine can intertwine closer one day soon. He is so kind and even though he's lazy as hell he always makes time for his friends. A genius to many, a bum to others, but those are usually people that don't know him well like I do. He is my student, like my own son, and what I consider a very dear friend. I love him, I will admit it may be wrong, but then again...what is so wrong about the beauty of love? Is it tainted and different just because our genders are the same? I think not. I love him more than anyone and anything else in my life and even though I crave for him, I withhold myself. I know better than to draw too close because even before telling him my feelings I can already feel the rejection this young man would throw onto me. Never could I bear such disdain, especially from such a gifted child that looks up to me. If that joking face ever looks at me in disgust I think I would rather kill myself. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, yet that doesn't stop me from imagining him being held and protected in my arms. My very soul aches at the thought of him with another, especially a woman, but I smile and wish him well anyways. We laugh and hang out, cloud-watching until the sun sets and the star-gazing occurs. I think as long as he can he keep smiling at me with his gorgeous eyes I can be happy with just knowing that he loves me like a family member, it may not be the type of love I would like to receive from him, but...it still shows that he cares about me. I can live with this pain as long as he stays happy which is why I will never let it be known that I am in love with Shikamaru Nara. Happy Birthday to me, let's pray the day at least allows me to be around him some today."_

Asuma sighed as he placed his journal back in the secret compartment hidden in his bedside-table that he made a few years back. Running a hand over his chin he messed with his beard in a thinking manner before standing with a small yawn. He wrapped his headband around his head and tied it tightly as he walked out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He was twenty-nine years old today and he was feeling like a stupid teenager who had just figured out he had fallen in love with a straight guy which just so happened to be one of his best friends. Asuma sighed again turning away from his kitchen and walking through his small living room to his front door. He wasn't hungry, hadn't truly been hungry for the last few weeks actually, but he just chuckled at the thought of it being because of depression. He was happy as long as Shika was, so he just smiled to himself as he locked his door and placed a cig between his lips. He needed some air before he met up with Kakashi at his house this morning.

He strolled around the village, a cool morning breeze caressing his face. Moving a hand up he took a rather long drag, eating away almost half of his cigarette before slowly exhaling smoke that blew out over his semi-chapped lips. Moving his head up towards the barely lit sky he allowed a soft smile to trace his features as he thought of watching the autumn-grey clouds beside Shikamaru. Whoever said cloud-watching was stupid and boring obviously had never had the person that they cared for more than the world resting against their chest in pure, blissful tranquility.

After walking around for a good hour and smoking another five cigarettes, Asuma figured it was an appropriate time to meet up with Kakashi. Checking his phone to find out it was a little after 7:30am, he walked up to the copy-cat's large house and rapped his knuckles across the wooden door three times. Placing his hands back into his pants' pockets he stared at the door, waiting for it to be opened. Just a couple of minutes later he could hear footsteps come up to the other side of the door before it opened to reveil a half-dressed Kakashi.

"Ahh, hello Asuma, come in," Kakashi said pushing his door back to allow him in as said person turned to find the rest of his clothes.

"Tch, I thought you were an early-bird, Kakashi-san, not a good night?" Asuma asked with a chuckle while walking in and shutting the door behind them.

The white-haired man glanced over his shoulder before pulling on his long-sleeved blue shirt to cover his unwanted scars, "Mmm, a little."

Asuma put another cig in between his lips before raising a brow as he leaned against Kakashi's living room wall, "Really now, wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, not right now anyways," he said with a shake of his head before zipping up his jonin vest and knotting his headband over his left eye. "I don't want to make you worry about me on your birthday, Asuma, which reminds me..." Kakashi's sentence drifted off into nothing as he left to the kitchen for a few seconds before walking back out and throwing a folder over at him.

"Oh, a folder for my birthday, how original," Asuma chuckled, thinking nothing of it.

Kakashi rolled his one good eye, "You idiot, it's the files from AMBU you wanted me to pull on you-know-who. Happy birthday and don't say I never did anything for you now because I can get in a lot of trouble giving you something classified like that."

"I...Thank you, Kakashi-san..."

Asuma's eyes widened a bit as he glanced into the folder and scanned over a few papers that were inside. This was exactly what he needed for his solo mission he had planned to do when he took off for vacation time next week. He smiled sadly before slipping the classified folder into his vest, this was why he was good friends with Kakashi, no matter how stupid the other could be that never criticized one another because they knew the other didn't need it. Asuma knew quite a bit about Kakashi's past and understood why he was the way he is today and vis versa. Another thing was they both were gay and could always joke each other without any true feelings being harmed. Asuma helped Kakashi's wrists stop bleeding when he remembered too much and Kakashi had been there for him when the poison that laced his lungs became too much to bear.

Kakashi and Asuma talked for a little about basically nothing before leaving together and walking into the village that had just begun to waken into a beautiful new day, maybe even one full of new beginnings or perhaps, tearful ends...


End file.
